Después de ayer...

Después de ayer, hoy desperté recordando tan solo un poco de lo que pasó, pero no todo ciertamente.

Me vestí y fui a hacer ejercicio, bailé e intente sudar el exceso de alcohol que había entrado en mi sistema la noche anterior. En el baile iba todo bien, hasta que de pronto recordé lo que pasó ayer. La recuperación de mi memoria se presentó poco a poco en pequeños momentos de claridad, melancolía, confusión y arrepentimiento.

Después pensé un poco las cosas y hasta dejé de bailar, perdí la cuenta y no pude seguir. Acabó el baile cumpliendo el objetivo de sacar lo que no debí ingerir la noche anterior, pero ahora estabas tú en mi cabeza. Con claridad, exactitud y la misma precisión de que dijiste lo que dijiste y sí que me acuerdo.

Me bañé para limpiar el sudor y ahora también para intentar limpiar lo que hice ayer. Sentía el agua resbalar por mi cuerpo pero algo me decía que tu recuerdo no se iría tan solo con agua…traté de limpiar tus palabras de mi memoria pero como era de esperarse, no lo logré y aun pienso cómo es que lograré sacarte, a ti y a tus palabras, de mi cabeza. Sería mejor que no me acordara. No sabía que hacerse la tonta sería tan difícil.

M.T.L.
S-9-feb-08
4:40 p.m.

Your name splashes all over the place!

A space of silence just to hear my thoughts, my f*cking thoughts. To clear my mind a space full of emptiness. Long time ago this was all I listened: nothing. It’s raining, baby it’s raining, and I feel melancholy all over the place. Sadness mixed with your memory, and your name splashes all over the place. I’m kinda getting sick of just seeing you in every dream, every picture, and every single thought. Will I move on some day? I don’t really know, but somehow this madness guides me even closer to brightness, such a brightness you’ll never understand. It has happened to me that sometimes you are the reason of my insomnia. Has it happened to you? I bet you don’t even think of it, of me. Do you? I wish you well: a little bit of heaven with a little bit of hell, just as the song says. It seems to be a sunny day out there but inside of me, it’s raining babe, and your name splashes just all over the place.

And I still wait for you to make up your mind. I mean just in case you do. “…If that's what it requires Then waiting's what I'll do…”. You damn know I’ll be here, I was just wondering if you will catch me when I fall just as I have done it with you. Maybe you are just too tired of getting caught, but I wont let u fall down even if you beg, even if you cry, even if you want to, I won’t let you trip. I’ve been thinking, you know? About what went wrong, but as much as I wanna look out for mistakes….mistakes are just details that were lost among the trip. So, here I am again…why can I just let it go and move on? Maybe I’m not supposed to. This sadness is driving me crazy, insane I would say, but maybe this is just what I needed: a little bit more of insanity. Wish I may, wish I might see your name vanish tonight.

*Today I Knock at your door*

Today i knock at your door. Hoping you will answer after three hours of being out there, just staring at your window.

I really do not know what im gonna say to you, maybe goodbye, maybe the truth, but here I am wondering if it’s too late to say im sorry, is it too late to say I love you and I just keep on thinking why am I here, I mean, when did all these went so wrong?

Why do I have to leave? I do not want to go. I don’t want to leave my stuff, my house, my pet, but I do not want to leave your head, I do not want you to forget me.
I’ve being here, standing at your door, wondering, sitting, thinking, sinking.

What will you say? I mean, are you even home? What am I doing here? I really would like to see your face when you see mine, but im afraid im too coward to stay. I cannot go home now, I really want to see you. I want to see how your lips say you love me, and that you feel the same for me.

You may be thinking I’ve lost it all ready, and if loosing my mind means I love you, well , I think I lost my mind long time ago boy.

At this instant, I do not care how cold it is to stay out here, just staring at your place, but I really want to ask you: is it too late to say I need you, and I cannot live without you? Is it too late to start all over again?

M.T.L.18-1-07.8:29 p.m.